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The HIH Royal Commission has unearthed an insurance policy written by the failed company’s London office which covers the Taiwanese Army for personal injury, for a premium of just 560,000 pounds. The underwriter’s report notes risks such as: falling from trees, driving into ditches and invasion by the world’s largest army.
HIH is also rumoured to have sold Bomb and Contents insurance covering China’s 400 ballistic missiles pointed across the Taiwan Strait.
HIH actuaries dismissed criticism of this apparently rash venture by producing a risk assessment by the entirely independent People’s Daily Grind. Apparently Taiwan is safe, provided it capitulates to “nice, nice Beijing”. The actuaries claimed to have not understood the alternative prognosis for “ugly, ugly Taipei.”
Previous hearings revealed that HIH also insured Jennifer Lopez’s arse, Saddam Hussein’s mustache and George Bush’s credibility.
However, HIH’s failed directors have dismissed suggestions that these policies are symptomatic of the irresponsibility which brought down the company. Instead, they point to the success of the insurance giant’s extensive research and development program.
The HIH Royal Commission has heard that in 1996 Chinese conman Wang Jian Cai convinced HIH to sink $60 million into a joint venture, which collapsed within a year. It was later discovered that Mr. Wang had been banned from directing a financial institution for 11 years. The company later wrote off the loss as “research and development”.
HIH ex-managing director Terry Cassidy defended the decision, claiming that giving money to Wang and his con was a scale model prototype for buying FAI off Rodney Adler. Furthermore, he insisted, it allowed HIH to develop crucial collapsing with shoddy directors technology.
