An Australian mining executive is behind bars in China tonight after being accused of stealing state secrets.
The Chinese government believes that Rio Tinto’s Stern Hu may have been attempting to steal the ancient ninth secret of Jade Emperor Shangdi.
Mr Hu was first detained at the airport after being found with 700,000 tonnes of iron ore in his boogie-board bag.
The incident has sparked the most significant diplomatic row since Sinophile PM Kevin Rudd took office. On hearing of the arrest, Mr Rudd immediately called in China’s ambassador and threatened to stop sucking his dick.