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A man in his twenties is feared drowned off Queensland’s Gold Coast after attempting to swim around an enclosure designed to protect schoolies from toolies.
It’s exactly the sort of stupid, horny, risk-taking behaviour that would make him completely unattractive to an 18-year-old chick.
It’s hoped the man can be located and dragged to shore. When he comes around, his first words are expected to be “did I… did I get laid?”
Queensland Police superintendent Jim Keogh told AAP that ‘‘These are desperate measures to try to get into the schoolies zone that may end up taking someone’s life.’’ He then continued, “I can assure you it’s totally worth it.”
In a related development, a group of schoolies broke into the toolie zone and were fucked to death.
Gold Coast residents are looking forward to the end of the annual ‘schoolies week’, during which every local aged over 22 faces daily accusations of being a toolie.
Chairman of the Gold Coast Schoolies Advisory Board, Mark Reaburn, told AAP that no schoolie should walk alone at night as there are plenty of volunteers available to walk people home. Such as himself.
Police say they have no record of a Gold Coast Schoolies Advisory Board.
