Brutal measures to consolidate power in the wake of a disputed election suggest that Iran’s hardline conservative establishment will not alter its course on the country’s secretive nuclear programme.
Analysts are concerned that although fraud in last week’s presidential election was obvious, scientists may be as little as five years away from developing believable election results.
Working in a vast, subterranean laboratory, an army of theoretical psephologists has constructed a large hadron Mackerras pendulum, which can synthesise two-party-preferred swings that do not occur in nature.
Should Iran possess the secret to an imperceptibly rigged election, there’s no telling what dangerous policies will be enacted in the name of the Iranian people. The government may even go crazy and get nuclear weapons.
Iran’s 1979 constitution gives significant authority to a gathering of senior clerics called the Guardians Council. The Guardians can exclude candidates they deem to be a threat, including women, liberals and any man who’s had a shave in the past 30 years.
The big issue in this election was the economy. Tough times have forced many in the discount Persian rug sector to announce that they were closing down and absolutely must clear all stock by Sunday.
Since polling booths closed, security forces have begun rounding up opposition figures, closing newspapers and even blocking social network Facebook. This latter move reflects Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei’s anger at not getting in quickly enough to reserve “ali” as his Facebook username.