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John Della Bosca, a man last week touted as the next premier of New South Wales, today stood down as Health Minister after admitting to a brief affair with a 26-year-old woman.
The former minister looks forward to embracing new challenges, such as maintaining an erection during intercourse with his awful wife.
Little is known about the 26-year-old at the centre of the scandal, except that she had sex with Mr Della Bosca at Macquarie Street, cementing the role of Parliament House as the place where things get fucked.
Although the former minister’s colleagues were quick to defend Mr Della Bosca’s record, there is anger that his mistress compromised traditional Labor values in being a decade above the age of consent.
Embattled Premier Nathan Rees conceded that the scandal is a distraction from his government’s performance. “I would rather this had not happened,” he quipped.
The Daily Grind understands that Mr Della Bosca’s wife, Belinda Neal, reacted to news of the affair by demanding of her husband, “don’t you know who I am?”
However, Mr Della Bosca is expected to ignore media questions about his marriage on the basis that his wife is “a matter for the police”.
Mr Della Bosca reportedly bragged to his lover that he had the numbers to topple the Premier. But, let’s face it, who hasn’t claimed that in the hope of getting laid?
With Mr Della Bosca out of the picture, the frontrunners to take Mr Rees’s job are now Frank Sartor, Kristina Kenneally and an unclaimed carton of soy milk in the parliamentary break room.
Although the carton has been working the phones assiduously, its ambitions could be hampered by an unsuccessful stint as Transport Minister in 2007.
Within the party room, support is now growing for an “Anyone but Rees” option, although that still lags the more popular “Anyone with their pants on” option.
Mr Della Bosca will hand over his role of upper house leader to Tony Kelly. He is also looking for someone to take on the thankless task of having sex with his wife. Where’s controversial Labor MP Paul Gibson when you need him?
