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The European Union’s Smart-1 is now in orbit 5000 kilometres above the Moon, marking a significant first step in the European Space Agency’s ambitious lunar observation programme.
Commissioner Smart-1 will open talks on the Moon’s accession to the 25-member EU club in the next few days.
“It is no exaggeration to say the Moon has been waiting 4.5 billion years for these talks,” said Embiggenment Commissioner Olli Rehn, “making eurocrats its perfect interlocutors.”
The Moon could enter the free trade area and adopt the euro as soon as stardate -314,061.47.
Before admission, the Moon must first implement 80,000 pages of EU law and meet the tough “Copenhagen criteria”. Senior EU officials report that significant improvements are needed in the areas of an environment and the treatment of indigenous peoples, which is very important for EU membership.
The moon’s unproductive agricultural sector is expected to attract large subsidies, unsettling existing members, although this may be offset by enthusiasm from EU politicians and bureaucrats for fact-finding missions and conferences in the potential new entrant.
The Moon also faces opposition from right-wing leader Hans-Gert Pottering in the European Parliament. Even his opponents concede Mr Pottering has proved there are enough Lunatics in the parliament already.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has decried “this latest aggressive moonward expansion into another of our satellite states”, compared the EU with the Nazis and pledged to do something drastic as soon as it gives him enough aid money.
If successful, the Moon accession would be the largest multilateral deal concluded in Europe since Triton, the icy seventh moon of Neptune, joined the Warsaw Pact in 1979. That agreement fell apart when thousands of Soviet citizens attempted to defect to the Neptunian satellite and the border was vacuum-sealed.
For his part, Mr Rehn remains optimistic, talking up the Moon’s chances of beating Turkey into the Union.
